"He's taken more hits than Nick Diaz's bong!"
-- Michael Schiavello, Sengoku XI
"It's Goodnight Irene!"
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's been mounted more times than Jenna Haze!"
-- Michael Schiavello, DREAM 10
"Leave you more confused than Caster Semanya's boyfriend."
-- Michael Schiavello
"I'm so excited! My nipples are so hard you could rub them together and start a fire!"
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 World Grand Prix 2009
"The Big Kabosh!"
-- Michael Schiavello
"He could make a stripper nervous with that smile."
-- Michael Schiavello, DREAM 10
"He's taken more shots to the mouth than Belladonna."
-- Michael Schiavello, Sengoku XI
"He's been tapped more times than Tiger Woods' booty calls."
-- Michael Schiavello, Dymnamite 2009
"He's sweating more than Josef Fritzel on an episode of Changing Places."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 World Grand Pri x 2009
"Open the fridge he's out cold!"
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's got more moves than U-Haul."
-- Michael Schiavello, DREAM 11
"A female groupie backstage at an Elton John concert would have more chance of scoring than Jae Hee Cheon has of winning this fight."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2009
"Ray Sefo's got more combinations than a Las Vegas slot machine."
-- Michael Schiavello, Dynamite 2009
"He's scored more than Tommy Lee at a boat party."
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games 2008
"I just set up a Myspace Page for him under the name 'Man Who Doesn't Jab'... he already has 40 friends."
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games 2008
"You'd have an easier time picking up KD Lang in a bar..."
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games 2008
"He loves fighting on the inside. He's agorophobic. He's afraid to go outside!"
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games 2008
"He's stacking combinations like a supermarket shelf."
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games 2008
"The Cuban Team have put more gold around their necks than Mr T."
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games, 2008
"He has no chance of winning this unless maybe a safe falls on his opponent's head."
-- Michael Schiavello, Olympic Games 2008
"I'm sure somewhere in the world right now Drago is depriving a village of an idiot."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"He's doing a Tony Danza and showing him Who's The Boss!"
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"That's the worst haircut since Dr Spock!"
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"He's been scored on more than my ex-girlfriend."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"(Sato) is like the Volvo of K-1 MAX."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"Open the fridge he's out cold!"
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"That round was ugly but entertaining... just like the last girl I dated."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"The wheel is spinning but the mouse inside the wheel is dead. He killed the mouse!"
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2008
"There are two things I know for sure: Britney Spears will never win Mother of the Year and Albert Kraus didn't win that fight."
-- Michael Schiavello, K-1 MAX 2007
"He's taken more shots than a Japanese tourist."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's taken more hits than a two dollar pinata."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's taken more strikes than a builder's union."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's worn more leather than the Third Reich."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's worn more leather than the Blue Oyster Bar."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's got more hooks than Tori Spelling's bra."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's taken more battering than a crab stick."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's taken more blows than a box of Kleenex."
-- Michael Schiavello
"He's got more escapes than Michael Schofield."
-- Michael Schiavello on Hideo Tokoro
"Those punches have less weight behind them than Kate Moss."
-- Michael Schiavello
"If this goes to ground, Minowa will have to take a bus and two trains just to get to side control."
-- Michael Schiavello on Minowa vs Hong Mann Choi
"He's so tall in summertime he still gets snow on his head."
-- Michael Schiavello on Hong Mann Choi
"He's so tall when he walks past the zoo giraffes are attracted to him."
-- Michael Schiavello on Hong Mann Choi again
"There's more Brazilians in that corner than at my local wax salon."
-- Michael Schiavello on Ewerton Texeira's corner
"Two things I know for sure: we will never beat Amy Winehouse in a drinking contest and Texeira definitely won that fight."
-- Michael Schiavello on Texeira vs Musashi
" He's an artist. He should cut his ear off."
-- Michael Schiavello on Dutch technician Remy Bonjasky.
"Glaciers move faster."
-- Michael Schiavello on Hong Mann Choi
"Look at the redness around his ribcage. It looks like it's been barbecued."
-- Michael Schiavello on Hong Mann Choi's damaged ribs
"Semmy Schilt has less personality than a head of lettuce."
-- Michael Schiavello on Semmy Schilt
"He went swimming last week and Japanese whaling boats began firing harpoons at him."
-- Michael Schiavello on Akebono
"He's been on his back more than my ex-girlfriend."
-- Michael Schiavello
"There are no windows in Mighty Mo's house. If he gets hot he just punches a hole in the wall and lets a breeze in."
-- Michael Schiavello on Mighty Mo's punching power
"There are no such things as lesbians in the world, just women who haven't met Paul Slowinski yet."
-- Michael Schiavello on Paul Slowinski
"He's got a bigger entourage than Vinny Chase."
-- Michael Schiavello on Ray Sefo's entourage
"That uppercut went so high Saint Peter knocked it back."
-- Michael Schiavello
